I bounce and bounce there are so many things I reach for and undoubtedly don’t extend my arm far enough on some and others I pushed even further and took what I wanted and needed. But it seems I cannot figure out what I want to do when I grow up right now. Oh pitty me right? I have a wonderful wife, boys that I love dearly, a badass job and a tiny bit of income that I can do projects and spoil myself. So why then I cannot focus on something to do? Podcast, Etsy, boatbuilding, being an author, speaking, you name it I’ve not only dreamed about it but planned and talked about it to the point that those closest to me could really give two shits what I am talking about. I do not blame them, it’s like watching the same TV show over and over just the subject is different.

What I have forgotten about were the goals that I talked about for years and made of my word and took the goals. I became a police officer, I achieved not only a degree but three of them including grad school, I then went on to become active duty military and then made a huge move of careers and moved into the position I am currently in. These are some of the very large goals not only I had personally but Jennifer and I had together.

I have lost focus, focus that drove me to those goals and also create new ones. The focus has turned into a mess of bullshit speaking and talking about what I want to do. This cannot continue and shows nothing but a bad example for my boys that they do not really need to complete most of what they talk about but rather become detailed in their descriptions and even more detailed in the excuses created for not completing them.

There has been a shift now as I have declared in my fitness and diet and now must come my motivation for my work and my ventures that I wish to pursue. I will not continue to talk but rather pursue and then let that talk for me. My body now has a focus which my mind must follow. I have decided to start mediating regularly again and finishing tasks at my workplace then pursuing the idea of what I want to do when I grow up.

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